Helping Your Child Understand Current Events
Talking about police violence, anti-Black racism, and systemic white supremacy is difficult for any family. It is even hard to break down these complex, emotionally-charged subjects into something understandable for children who have difficulties understanding and using language, interpreting non-literal and figurative speech, and understanding emotional states.
How to discuss current events using accessible language that your child can understand
When we’re discussing big ideas with children with language delays and differences, it’s important to use developmentally appropriate language. It can help to be concrete and avoid figurative and non-literal language. In addition, the nuance of emotions of anger, grief, and sorrow can be difficult to interpret, and your child may need your help.
Talk about history. Kids need to know that racism is part of a history that dates back hundreds of years. At the same time, you can also emphasize your hope for a better future and plan ways your family can help make that a reality.
Kid-friendly definitions:
What is happening right now? People are angry and sad in our cities and across our country. George Floyd was killed by a police officer. George Floyd was an African-American man and the police officer was white. People are protesting because Mr. Floyd should not have died. Many police officers protect us. This officer did not protect Mr. Floyd. For many years, some police officers have hurt African Americans. People need to be safe. People need to be treated fairly. People are protesting to make things better. They need African-Americans to be safe and treated fairly.”
If they ask why this happened: We don’t really know why, but there has been a long history of Black people being treated unfairly by the police, including getting hurt and killed. This is wrong. A lot of people including me are very angry about this. This police officer killed a defenseless person, which is against the law. And then the police tried to hide what had happened. As you know, it's never okay to hurt someone's body, and if our friends do something wrong and hurt someone, it's our job to stop it--not to lie about it." I would close with something that preschoolers struggle with every day: violence is not the way to solve problems between people. "This is a terrible thing. That's why it's so important that we use our words instead of hitting or hurting when we're mad."
What is a protest? You know how sometimes you think our family rules aren’t fair? Grown-ups also feel like things aren’t fair. A protest is when a group of grown-ups get together sometimes in streets and sometimes in other spaces to argue for what they think is right.
What is Black Lives Matter? There are lots of different kinds of people and one way that we’re different is the color of our skin. It’s important to make sure that all people are treated fairly, and that’s why lots of other people all over the country and the world are part of the Black Lives Matter movement.
Restorative Justice: We know that if you knock down someone's block tower, you have to help them rebuild it. You can't just say, ‘Sorry,’ and walk away. We also know that it’s important for kids to be able to make a better choice the next time, and it’s grownups’ job to help them make better choices and to give them chances to do that. Another way to say that is restorative justice.
Empathy: It’s so important to think about how other people feel, because different people have different feelings. Sometimes it helps to think about how you would feel if the same thing that happened to your friend happened to you. Another way to say that is empathy.
Diversity: Different people do different things, look differently, think differently, and have different feelings. It’s so important that we have lots of different kinds of people in our community and that everyone feels safe. Another way to say that is diversity.
Don’t hide your emotions:
Your child may be trying to figure out what your emotional state is, especially if it’s complex. Let him know if you’re sad or angry, and acknowledge that it’s good to be upset by injustice, as long as it doesn’t stop you from working to make it better. Then talk about what you are doing to take care of yourself to honor your feelings. This is an important way for you to model the recognition and strategies you hope they’ll use.
Ask your child what they’re thinking and validate their feelings
Start by checking in with your child. Kids, especially those on the autism spectrum, may be very sensitive to disruptions in their home environment or perceptive of changes in the emotional state of their parents and not know how to interpret them. In addition, kids with language disabilities may have worries or concerns they don’t know how to express.
Kids might be afraid of riots, of being hurt by the police, or worry that something bad could happen to loved ones. Avoid making assumptions. Instead, ask broad questions that give kids space to talk over what they’re feeling: “How did you feel about what we saw on the news? What did it make you think about?”
Drawing, painting or acting out stories with toys can be helpful tools for expressing thoughts and feelings that aren’t easy to put into words. Do your best to meet your child where they are and acknowledge their feelings, fears or worries.